The low libido issue is either with her or you

Sexual intimacy is an integral component of many romantic relationships. It offers a unique connection, fosters intimacy, and often strengthens the bond between partners. However, it’s not uncommon for couples to face challenges in this department, one of the most common being a mismatch in sexual desire or low libido. Whether the issue arises from one partner or both, understanding and addressing the root causes is crucial for the well-being of the relationship.

Understanding Low Libido:

Libido, commonly referred to as sex drive, varies significantly from person to person. Factors such as age, health, emotional state, and life circumstances can influence it. It’s normal for sexual desire to ebb and flow. However, when the decreased desire is persistent and causes distress, it’s termed as a condition called Hypoactive Sexual Desire Disorder (HSDD).

Potential Causes of Low Libido in Women:

Hormonal Changes: Fluctuations in hormone levels, especially after childbirth, during breastfeeding, and around menopause, can affect libido. Conditions like polycystic ovary syndrome (PCOS) can also play a role.

Medical Conditions: Some illnesses and medications can affect sexual desire. These include depression, anxiety, high blood pressure, and certain contraceptives.

Psychological and Emotional Factors: Stress, self-esteem issues, past traumatic experiences, or unresolved conflicts in the relationship can lead to decreased desire.

Lifestyle Factors: Chronic fatigue, alcohol or drug use, or being overworked can decrease libido.

Potential Causes of Low Libido in Men:

Hormonal Changes: A decline in testosterone levels, which can happen with age or due to conditions like hypogonadism, can lead to decreased libido.

Medical Conditions: Diabetes, high blood pressure, and certain medications, especially those treating depression or prostate conditions, can affect sex drive.

Psychological and Emotional Factors: As with women, stress, anxiety, depression, and relationship issues can dampen desire.

Lifestyle Factors: Substance abuse, chronic fatigue, or being overweight can play a role.

Addressing the Issue as a Couple:

Open Dialogue: The first step in addressing low libido is talking about it. Approach the subject with sensitivity, avoiding blame. Understand that it’s a shared concern, even if it’s affecting just one partner.

Seek Medical Advice: If the cause of low libido seems to be medical, such as hormonal imbalances or the side effects of medication, consulting a healthcare professional can help. They can suggest changes in medications, hormone therapies, or other treatments.

Therapy and Counseling: A sex therapist or counselor can offer insights into the psychological and emotional factors at play. They can provide strategies and exercises to rebuild intimacy.

Focus on Emotional Intimacy: Rekindling emotional intimacy can often pave the way for physical intimacy. Spend quality time together, engage in shared activities, or explore new hobbies as a couple.

Lifestyle Adjustments: Ensuring adequate rest, managing stress, maintaining a healthy weight, and moderating alcohol intake can help boost libido.

Expand the Definition of Intimacy: Intimacy isn’t just about intercourse. Hugging, holding hands, kissing, and other forms of physical affection are equally vital. These actions can maintain closeness during times when sexual intimacy is less frequent.

Educate Yourselves: Sometimes, a lack of knowledge or misconceptions about sexual health can be a barrier. Educate yourselves through books, workshops, or reputable online sources.

Be Patient and Understanding: It’s essential to be patient, both with oneself and one’s partner. Understand that libido issues are common and can be addressed over time.


The narrative surrounding libido often hinges on stereotypes: that men should always be ready for sex and women should match their partner’s desire. But the reality is far more nuanced. Both men and women can experience periods of low libido due to a myriad of reasons, and it’s not an indicator of one’s love or attraction to their partner.

Approaching the issue of low libido requires empathy, understanding, and teamwork. By focusing on mutual respect, communication, and a willingness to seek help when needed, couples can navigate this challenge, strengthening their bond in the process. Remember, every relationship has its unique rhythm. The key lies in understanding and harmonizing these individual beats into a shared melody of intimacy and connection.